i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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