I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
