Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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