i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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