new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize