She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
