It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
