and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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