what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
