Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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