she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
