singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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