this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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