walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
