He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
