we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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