U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
