I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
