Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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