mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
