Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
