I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
