its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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