someone threw a dead crab at me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
