The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i believe in u and ur pee
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
