just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
