I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
