there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
