a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
