a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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