Can i not drive my cunt home
I could make wine with my vomit
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
