Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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