Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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