Can i not drive my cunt home
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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