i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
