ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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