I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
