remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
