This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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