I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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