Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
