did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
