mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
