Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
