Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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