where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
