I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
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I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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