everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
