i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I will die if light touches me.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
