it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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