Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
