I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
