hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
