I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
