what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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