I think my fart just growled at me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
