whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
