he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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