Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
