Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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