I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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